tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post2952029511383497466..comments2023-08-16T10:36:28.602+00:00Comments on A Life Less Perfect: How to beat Girls and WomenMama Wangarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12006416899769717487noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-13503915509129307532016-07-14T16:26:47.050+00:002016-07-14T16:26:47.050+00:00My husband is so tender and loving to me in some w...My husband is so tender and loving to me in some ways, but sometimes he rapes me and beats me. Then he tells me he is sorry that he would never want to hurt me. He says he foes it so I don't try to leave him. We have been best friends oir whole lives as well, but he just gets so scared of me leaving that he becomes violent. I'm his first and only gf or wife. My ex before him beat me nearly to death and now I find myself dealing with this. Maybe there is no es cape from sexual abuse. I was human trafficked as a child and forced into prostitution before escaping. I'm a survivor. Maybe tho I deserve this because of my childhood.he really is a good man. He loves me at least. My own father never did but he does. Love hurtshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02044957085653684735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-32876360212839229022009-01-18T20:05:00.000+00:002009-01-18T20:05:00.000+00:00You did it, Mama; you made people around the world...You did it, Mama; you made people around the world understand what a violent culture does to the human mind and soul. It removes common dignity and respect for life, it teaches individuals to ignore that feeling in the pit of our stomachs that says, "This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong." It makes us all less than human ourselves and diminishes the collective sense of peace and joy for victims and - ultimately - communities. My heart goes out to you in your journey toward peace and healing.Sherry Clark, f.a.c.e.s.https://www.blogger.com/profile/17159983583520378476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-84293465093810512392008-04-30T19:27:00.000+00:002008-04-30T19:27:00.000+00:00Thank you for sharing, this was very powerful. I c...Thank you for sharing, this was very powerful. I came here from Alas, and hope to read more of your blog in the future. I hope you don't mind if I link you.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00315450587847934473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-87012690673654804232008-04-18T21:33:00.000+00:002008-04-18T21:33:00.000+00:00That's amazing! what a fascinating mother you have...That's amazing! what a fascinating mother you have. wouldn't it be interesting to send her, say on the landmark forum, or into therapy, and hear what she had to say when she got out of the mindset herself? i can see why you're disgusted, and you're right, but isn't it just fascinating that 'he couldn't live without her' and she didn't ruthlessly exploit that to get a better life? people are so interesting. As for your boyfriend -hilarious! in the uk one out of every 5 women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. i think it must be much higher across the world.Mama Wangarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12006416899769717487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-10578375482749217702008-04-17T17:05:00.000+00:002008-04-17T17:05:00.000+00:00My father knew it was wrong to beat us. He apologi...My father knew it was wrong to beat us. He apologized profusely every time. He couldn't live without my mother. She COULDN'T leave him. He'd kill us if she did... I am 36 and <I>still</I> digusted with her for not leaving him. She seemed crazier than he did. He was crazy like a fox. She was just a doormat. I am so glad for your daughter's sake you left. <BR/><BR/>This year was the first time I ran into anyone who reminded me of your ex. A guy and I were dating for maybe 6-8 weeks when I decide it wasn't going the way I liked so I left him. He was devasted. Why would I leave him when <I>he didn't even beat me</I>? I was so shocked that I laughed in his face and told him of course he didn't beat me! I'd beat him back and call imigration besides. He honestly viewed himself as an enlightened man for having ceased to beat his girlfriends. Amazing.Beetlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10859427642708015960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-5042497983554310002007-02-23T23:46:00.000+00:002007-02-23T23:46:00.000+00:00@ mama wangari, on the matter of concession, we un...@ mama wangari, on the matter of concession, we understand each other well. I think I've said it before, I'm particularly drawn to your politics and consciousness as a woman. <BR/><BR/>PS, kijana's comments sound quite specious to me as well.mzakaihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05251239430755147719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-13593221106045902212007-02-23T01:57:00.000+00:002007-02-23T01:57:00.000+00:00@ mama wangariYour clarification is much appreciat...@ mama wangari<BR/>Your clarification is much appreciated and I do stand by my explanation of my <B>general</B> observation as specious as it may seem.Acolytehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03673179447438729227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-7155235259819946482007-02-21T19:06:00.000+00:002007-02-21T19:06:00.000+00:00Well. I find this explanation somewhat specious. A...Well. I find this explanation somewhat specious. A comment on my blog, on a subject I just blogged about, would rather obviously seem to refer to me <I>unless clearly stated otherwise.</I><BR/><BR/>I was touched by the term 'did not concede'. It displayed an understanding that the challenge I had was to maintain the integrity of my worldview despite scornful doubt being cast on it. The weird thing about a violent man is that he doesn't seem to see that his behaviour is not compatible with love, and indeed my ex, after a short hangdog interlude, clearly felt that I was being unreasonable. Si he apologised, so kwani what was the issue? Where else would I find such deep, true love that I was throwing away for such a paltry excuse? eh? He was asking me to concede that his 'love' counted for more than his violence - presumably I would find this comforting, one day, lying in my early grave, and contemplating that he now had the care and upbringing of my children with which to perpetuate his worldviews ...<BR/><BR/>Did I understand you correctly, mzakai?Mama Wangarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12006416899769717487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-68634623090433959752007-02-21T05:12:00.000+00:002007-02-21T05:12:00.000+00:00@ mzakai and mama wangariWhen I made this statemen...@ mzakai and mama wangari<BR/>When I made this statement<BR/><I>But I find it hard to understand why women stay in abusive relationships when they can leave, staying merely enables the man's behaviour. Sorry to say so but when doors to leave are opened and are not taken, my sympathy fades away.</I><BR/>I was not reffering to mama wangari specifically but other cases I have seen where help has been offered and been refused. But since I have been misunderstod I might as well continue in that vein and ask a question,<BR/>msichana mzakai, what did you mean by the term she did not concede?Acolytehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03673179447438729227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-65399952347812850432007-02-19T16:17:00.000+00:002007-02-19T16:17:00.000+00:00@Acolyte, kijana...can't you read? The EX-boyfrien...@Acolyte, kijana...can't you read? The EX-boyfriend pursued, but Mama Wangari did not concede. Your comment does us all a disservice.<BR/><BR/>@Mama Wangari, Bayete ntombi!<BR/>Halala! Halala! Halala!mzakaihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05251239430755147719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-8895746443966614402007-02-19T13:21:00.000+00:002007-02-19T13:21:00.000+00:00Pole sana mama. This should be a wake-up call to a...Pole sana mama. This should be a wake-up call to all men who think it OK to lord it over the women in their lives. It is sad to see that some women (like your mum) acquiesce in this form of brutality. I hope your post helps them to see the light.Gatharahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05615274760892257015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-71602145809570225952007-02-19T09:22:00.000+00:002007-02-19T09:22:00.000+00:00It's really irritating when people make comments w...It's really irritating when people make comments without bothering to read properly - why comment at all?? You even quoted the relevant statement, you refused to read it twice - Acolyte, meaning you! Thanks for all your input otherwise, peopleMama Wangarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12006416899769717487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-17364526979823800452007-02-19T01:08:00.000+00:002007-02-19T01:08:00.000+00:00My ex-boyfriend pursued me for yearsI am sorry abo...<I>My ex-boyfriend pursued me for years</I><BR/>I am sorry about your father laying hands on you but in terms of you staying with your boyfriend, I dont know the full circumstances; it is sad that you had to experience that. But I find it hard to understand why women stay in abusive relationships when they can leave, staying merely enables the man's behaviour. Sorry to say so but when doors to leave are opened and are not taken, my sympathy fades away.Acolytehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03673179447438729227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-92125425041742813942007-02-19T00:50:00.000+00:002007-02-19T00:50:00.000+00:00Thanks for sharing such a personal account. It ta...Thanks for sharing such a personal account. It takes a lot of courage to refuse to undergo such treatment. One of the saddest things about the physical abuse is that it leads to emotional abuse too, and the people start to think they deserve it. Or they're too scared to get away. This is an issue that hits close to home for many of us. It's very serious but some people justify the behavior on a cultural basis. I detest the jokes people make about women being beaten up.Girl next doorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786858603160127087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-84513581142099507792007-02-18T18:57:00.000+00:002007-02-18T18:57:00.000+00:00Through blogging I'm beginning to understand women...Through blogging I'm beginning to understand women both young and old and the challenges they face everyday; which I used to ignore.<BR/>I now appreciate the female species more and understand why they always say "strength of a woman"bomsehhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03413978901929540672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-9164308694099411052007-02-18T16:59:00.000+00:002007-02-18T16:59:00.000+00:00A very moving account. I often wonder what it is t...A very moving account. I often wonder what it is that makes people in abusive relationships stay (even when there are no kids involved). More and more though I'm beginning to wonder what makes people abusive. I wonder if it is in me, because I'm sure the same people who ask the absurd questions you mentioned also say to them selves, "I would never do that!". I pray that I never do.home to find ithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12445740551986018043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-63573172348139779922007-02-18T16:30:00.000+00:002007-02-18T16:30:00.000+00:00Great blog; great writing.Great blog; great writing.Kenyananalysthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05781685724457118544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-35700004654337688152007-02-18T15:01:00.000+00:002007-02-18T15:01:00.000+00:00My bad...I actually meant Mama Wangari on my last ...My bad...I actually meant Mama Wangari on my last comment. And, I love the posts on this blog. Well written, articulate and a pleasure to read. Please blog more!!!surambayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01732652793468539278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-70732937017153389762007-02-18T13:56:00.000+00:002007-02-18T13:56:00.000+00:00first time ive landed on youre blog!and heh, what ...first time ive landed on youre blog!and heh, what a story. im so sorry!i cant even begin to imagine all that you went through. hope you are healing and i really hope God blesses you.<BR/>thanks for speaking out though.mama shadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18029271329854851157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-4713657400527020722007-02-18T13:52:00.000+00:002007-02-18T13:52:00.000+00:00I have never heard it told this way before. And to...I have never heard it told this way before. And to think that amongst my peers are men that don't think twice about raising a hand agains the same person that they profess all their love for. I pray everyday that my sisters would find the courage to let me know if anything was to go wrong in their relationships; and not wait until it's too late and am reading about it from the dailies. Really moving story mama Wanjiru.surambayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01732652793468539278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-35572076464071277292007-02-18T11:39:00.000+00:002007-02-18T11:39:00.000+00:00Mama Wangari,This was a deeply moving and sober re...Mama Wangari,<BR/><BR/>This was a deeply moving and sober recount. Thank you for sharing it. I was shocked at your mother asking you what she did, mothers are supposed to have their children's back. The sad thing (or not) is that we remember most if not all the details of our childhood including the ones that really hurt.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad you decided to leave your boyfriend when you did. No one should have to put up with any physical or emotional abuse. Our children learn from us and you are the best example for your child.<BR/><BR/>Sanaa.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17992646497296009626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13443240.post-21706036548377809672007-02-18T11:35:00.000+00:002007-02-18T11:35:00.000+00:00I read this post first thing this morning and I am...I read this post first thing this morning and I am still sorrowful hours later, Mama Wangari at the thought that as women, we are brought up to think that our pain does not count. <BR/><BR/>I feel your pain and think you are a true survivor. May your both your inward and outward scars soon fade.Mshairihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03941356278637675254noreply@blogger.com